I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he thought i was a dude.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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