so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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