Umm I'm too high to move.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
