Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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