no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
