im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
This is the high leading the old right now
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
