Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
