I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
