I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
