Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
