I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
