If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
