Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
