mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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