I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
