and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
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Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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