Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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