i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
