the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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