I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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