I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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