You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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