If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
