he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize