Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
