I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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