I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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