He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
