Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
