I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
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dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
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Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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