had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
