Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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