we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
