I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
