You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
