Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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