I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
