Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
