my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
