why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
