I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
