Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
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i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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