got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
