I wish I only lived at night.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize