i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
