I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
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You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
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She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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