Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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