i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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