my room smells like sperm. sweet.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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