I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
