she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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