Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
