I will die if light touches me.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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