There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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