I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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