the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
