There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
