College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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