atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
