I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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