dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i think i have two assholes
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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