Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
